How to Never Make Bad Mistakes Again

Ever experienced moments of utter despair when you child did something they knew was wrong?  Or maybe you have felt the frustration of your partner undermining your parenting…  And maybe you have done something yourself (possibly more than once) that you regretted and really don’t want to happen again.

The good news is…

Today I’m going to share with you a life skill you can use to combat all of these problems that I call:

“Advanced Decision Making”

This is a life skill that can help you with your parenting in so many different ways. And here are just a few:

  • It will help you prevent the sense of overwhelm, anger and frustration – particularly when things go wrong
  • It will help you feel a lot more relaxed because you will have more clarity, and
  • It will help you stay a lot calmer in general because you have more certainty

There are 3 tips I am going to share with you around this. They are:

  1. Prevention is better than cure
  2. Respond vs react, and
  3. How to master your self control

Let’s explore the first tip…

Prevention is Better Than Cure

As parents, making decisions in advanced will allow you to prevent future misbehaviour.

Did you know there are four main categories of misbehaviour? And one of them is demand-seeking misbehaviour (discover more about managing the 4 misbehaviours in my short course here).

Let’s use an example of our child who every time we go into a shopping centre, throws a tantrum because they want something bought for them. Well, by simply applying the concept of Advanced Decision Making we can let the child know that we are aware of the type of misbehaviour prior to going shopping and discuss alternatives with them in advance. We can also discuss some of the consequences in advance.

As a parent, we may also be able to think about some different ways that we can distract our child in a positive way.  

So, there’s an example of how to use Advanced Decision Making using the concept of prevention is better than cure.

The second tip is:

Respond Rather Than React

We should always be aiming to respond rather than react. And what I often say to people is:

“When we react, we tend to react in a negative way. But when we respond, we respond in a cool, calm and collected manner.”

Brad Everton

You see…

The goal is always to respond.

Let’s say for example our children are pushing our hot buttons by:

  • constantly nagging (think of a toddler repeatedly shouting “mum, mum, mum, mum, mum” over and over again)
  • our teenager diminishing what we do for them and angrily telling us what bad parents we are
  • one of our children blaming the other for bad behaviour just to get them in trouble

What can you do to respond instead of reacting during these situations?

The key to remember when you start to sense yourself becoming annoyed is to see it for what it really is and choose to respond rather than react.

Yes.

It is easier said than done.

But it is also a matter of conditioning ourselves to the concept of responding.

It’s also recognising when our children push our hot buttons that there is often a motive behind the behaviour. And our job is to determine what that is.

The problem is reacting makes it a lot harder to do that.

So, using the concept of Advanced Decision Making – if you have pre-determined how you will behave in certain situations, it allows you to respond verses react.

The best thing is…

You’ll find this will give you a sense of calmness and peace of mind because you have things in place. And, it also allows you to stay in control of yourself.

Which leads me to the third tip, which is:

Master Your Self Control

Another great idea is to have a Plan A and Plan B. This will allow you to be more organised because you’ll have already thought through more than one option, which will give you even more self control.

And the fact is…

Self control is something we are all looking for.

Because if we feel as though we have options, it allows us to feel we are in control of the situation, and that also helps us to respond rather than react.

So, if Plan A isn’t working, we can always resort to Plan B.

For example:

If telling your children “play nicely with your sibling” is not working (Plan A), then you can get them to do something different and suggest they both go and sit down away from each other and read a book (Plan B) as an alternative (this is another strategy I suggest in On Track Parenting called How to Use Time and Space to Manage Conflict – Page 91).

This will help you as a parent to practice self-control because you have already thought through the game plan in advance.  And part of your game plan is to resort to Plan B if Plan A is not going the way you want it.

NOW HERE’S A BONUS TIP…

Advanced Decision Making is a learnable skill.

What I encourage you to do is learn the skill for yourself and apply it into your life. Then share the concept with your children.

Now…

The first part, in terms of utilising the skill of Advanced Decision Making is to identify different areas you can implement this concept.

Just take a few moments now to come up with ways as to how you can use it in your personal life or how you can use it in your professional life. Because the more you are able to use it, the better you will become with it. 

That’s my tip for today – Advanced Decision Making.

I encourage you to use it.

I encourage you to play with it.

And as parents, you will find if you adopt and embrace this strategy into your life… it will pay dividends in many ways for the rest of your life.

May you have a great day,

Brad Everton

Committed to empowering those connecting with my message through the power of excellent mind tools, tips and strategies.

P.S. Feel free to pass this blog on to anyone who you feel might benefit from it.

The First Step To Healthy Relationships – Starting Today

Relationships are the key to every interaction. Discover how to have great relationships today.

Interpersonal relationships can be hard work and they nearly ALWAYS require attention (at least if you want to create happy, healthy and strong connections). And I don’t just mean your romantic relationships. I mean:

  • your professional relationships
  • your personal relationships, and
  • the relationship you have with yourself

These are what we call…

The 3 Categories of Relationships

Today I want you to ponder this huge, uncomfortable and in your face question:

“Have I set a relationship goal or am I just leaving my relationship to chance?”

Brad Everton

This question is so important and one we all should be thinking about. 

So…

Let’s get into it!

First, let’s look at professional relationships, which are basically the relationships in our work environment. This includes the interactions we have with our clients, work colleagues, customers or patients, etc.

Second we have our personal relationships. These are the connections with our partner, parents, children, friends or family.

And the third category (which I believe is the most important relationship category of them all) is the relationship with one’s self.

When it comes to relationship skills, I often tell people they are crucial.

And, the key thing we need to keep in mind is that they are not formally taught.

Now…

I truly believe they should be.

But the fact is…

We often learn our relationship skills the hard way, which I refer to as the bachelor of hard knocks.

Maybe you didn’t. Maybe you were lucky enough to have grown up with 2 parents that absolutely loved each other (and every child). Maybe they never fought. And even better, no one in your circle of influence ever had any disagreements at all.

However, the likelihood of this happening is very slim.

On the other hand, over the years you may have experienced relationships difficulties from things like:

  • separation
  • feeling lonely
  • conflict
  • domestic violence
  • bullying and harassment in the workplace
  • depression
  • the death of a loved one

These are just some of the examples of challenges in life that can cause us emotional trauma and lasting psychological distress.  It’s also often the result of poor relationship skills in one or more of the 3 categories of relationships.

That’s why I believe relationship skills are one of the top 5 most important life skills that we need to be working on, developing and enhancing for the rest of our lives.

Theodore Roosevelt (26th president of the United States) said:

“The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people.”

Theodore Roosevelt

Now, what does that tell us about relationships?

It’s basically saying that it is ALL about our people skills and our relationship management skills. And that’s why they are so incredibly important. 

So the question I started with was:

“Have you set a relationship goal or are you leaving your relationship to chance?”

The great news is…

I am going to share some examples of positive relationship goals so you can enjoy more success when connecting with others starting right now.

Relationship Goal #1:

We could be aiming for more understanding in our relationships.

I share the concept of always aim to understand first, then to be understood second. And in fact, one young lady recently shared how by using this concept and sharing it with her partner during a heated disagreement, it allowed them to resolve their differences quicker and easier.

Relationship Goal #2:

Aim for more connection

Relationship Goal #3:

Aim to become a better listener

Relationship Goal #4:

Have a more fun-loving relationship

And these are just a few examples we can set for ourselves.

N.B. If you would like some more relationship advice (counselling an/or therapy) or would like me to help you set some personalised goals, simply contact me on 0458360666 or info@ontrackparenting.com to arrange a time to chat. Helping people get clarity and build stronger relationship is one of my strengths, so be sure to call to start moving towards your greatest relationships today.

Because…

Here is the important thing around all this – these things just won’t happen on their own. They will not happen by chance. You must commit to them.

That’s why it is so important to set relationship goals. Because if you don’t plan these things, they won’t develop. And if you are leaving it to chance, then you are running the risk of experiencing some of those negative consequences I talked about earlier for  when relationships go wrong. 

So, I want you to keep that in mind. I want you to start thinking about your relationships on that level and aiming for something that is going to allow you to create better, happier, more harmonious relationships in your life. 

May you have a great day and a fantastic week. 

Kind regards, 

Brad Everton – Registered Psychologist and International Author